Four Good Things I Have Found about Being Bipolar and Schizophrenic

August 21, 2007 by  

By Matthew Robert Payne

There seems much written by professionals on these two illnesses, there is much being spoken about at conferences by professionals on the subject and every good conference will have a consumer speak. I am a consumer who suffers from both these mental disorders and I want to give you some light into my mind and perhaps a positive spin on what seems a very sad subject for some.

The first Good thing

Because I can hear voices, I can hear God and Jesus speak to me very clearly.

Professionals call what I hear “voices” and they call them auditory hallucinations. They assume my overactive and ill mind is making up the dialogue between me and the “voice.” In all my14 years of being ill I don’t think one doctor has really believed what I am hearing is really real and that God really is speaking to me.

Though when I have done lectures people have seemed to be impressed at least as I am convincing them when I speak of the “voices” and perhaps because the people I address are total strangers they are more open.

Doctors would say mediums and Clairvoyants are mentally ill but people who visit them certainly don’t hold that view and many people seemed put at peace and given much hope from people that seemed to know all about them and yet they are total strangers.

I run a prophetic web-site where I give people personal messages from God for free. From some of the wonderful feedback I have received I know something impossible is happening, my “voice” seems to be very accurate in talking to people about their lives and their current situations.

I can meet people in the street and tell them good character traits that they have and give the encouragement in areas where they are currently struggling and they will listen kind of glued to what I am saying until I am finished and their friends will all be nodding that what has been said is so true.

I once had a workshop with ten pharmacy students telling them about my illness and I told them I would test my “voice” on them and said that I would say one positive character trait about each of them and they could have the opportunity to say if I was right or not. I started around and by half way you could tell it was like some party novelty trick and they were all converts to my uncanny knack of picking them, and my so called ESP. At the end, when I had picked ten out of ten, ten different traits a different one in each, I asked them if in their opinion should I stop listening to the “voice” that told me that information and I got a resounding NO!

What you may think you are medicating might really be God.

Let me also say, many Schizophrenics in my travels have opened up to me and told me the things their voices were saying to them and their voices were nasty and saying very ugly things to the people. When doctors think these people are saying these nasty things to themselves they are kidding themselves. I am not an idiot and I know what a demon is.

One time I asked a friend of mine who was Wiccan and wearing black to confirm she had an interest in the “dark side”, if she was interested in knowing more about Jesus. She readily agreed to meet and talk with her mother and my mother present. I told everyone I knew she had a friend in her mind that spoke to her and I asked her if I could ask her friend three questions. She agreed and with the help of my “voice” I asked her three questions that she was to put to her “voice” and then with the help of God I discussed with her that each of the answers of her friend in her mind was an outright lie. Before long she was telling her friend she never wanted to speak to him anymore.

“Voices” are real.

The second good thing…

I have big dreams and a mind that can handle them.

As a bipolar I can have visions of grandeur. I have don’t have the same limitation on the mind that many people have. I can for instance believe that I could write a film script good enough for a movie to be made and to make me famous. They say that the line between genius and being crazy is a thin one. I believe that when they say that they are speaking of bipolar people. Many famous creators and people who did huge things in the history of the world were bipolar.

To think you could speak through thin air between two cities is what one inventor thought and he was locked up for that thought. Telling people that you could write three films and radically turn around some of the world’s worst problems has me being labeled a person with visions of grandeur and yet when I write the three films and talk a producer into shooting them and releasing them to the world I will be hailed a genius!

Bipolar people think big and when they are not deluded and yet have just been so out of the square and creative and see their creation come to pass the whole of society is better for it.

Some people think atomic science is genius. But now the Nuclear bomb is the most feared weapon in the world? Who is the genius, the person who split the atom or the people that made that bomb that the USA dropped on civilians in a war they couldn’t win and ever since have feared some people might do it back to them?

Yes one Internet site, a few films and a few books could transform the world and I have got the insight, the wisdom and a mind that could do all of them. You call me ill and yet a dreamer in the Bible called Joseph saved the whole of Egypt in a severe famine and his family which became the Jewish people we know today.

Another crazy man, Moses, went to the leader of Egypt and set free millions of slaves and dropped ten plagues that modern man doesn’t want to even admit really happened.

I love my Bipolar visions of grandeur. I take my medication but I dream bigger than most and I have the ability to write those books, those films and that internet site.

The third good thing

I hear positive messages that guide me through many sources.

On my first hospital admission the doctor taking me up in the lift was asking me if I was getting any messages from television.

I told him that “A certain shampoo has pro vitamins that do you a lot of good and you can’t see them but they are in there.”

One of the police escorting me cracked a smile.

“And oh, if you have Décoré shampoo you have a better sex life.” ( The advertisement was a very sexy on TV)

“Oh and if you give a girl a Maccona coffee at your home on a date she will know you are a man of distinction and she will most probably stay the night with you” (The ad was saying Macconna made you a man of class and suggestive that it was the coffee invitation that was most likely to lead to sex)

The two police were laughing so hard they kind of didn’t want to lock me up anymore.

At the time, I had no clue what the doctor was asking me. Now I know what they were talking about and I do get special messages from the radio and television.

It’s not an illness though people who suffer with my illness can have their voices saying things that cause them distress. People who have no illness can have the same thing happen to them.

Let me just go through a few with you so you can get some insight

Once I dreamed that my former wife and her new husband came around to my place and the husband said that God had told him he was wrong to marry my wife and that she was back to move in with me. He then brought my son inside and left my wife and son with me. The dream ended as my clock radio woke me up and the lyrics of the song playing said, “ Don’t give up on your faith, love comes to those who believe.”

I took the song as a promise from God that one day my wife might return. I also took the song’s advice to focus on my faith and not give up on my faith but to obey God in all He asks me to do. Later that day God asked me to throw out a novel that I had written ten years before and was getting ready to self publish. The song played in my ears as a memory and I threw the novel out. I rang my mother, a very spiritual person and told her I threw the novel out and she cried and told me it was an answer to her prayers as the novel had a lot of “darkness” in it and was not good to publish.

Can you see how one line in a song gave me hope and confirmed a dream that my wife may one day come back, then the same line in the song gave me direction and hope for a future when I had to make a hard decision to throw a “dark” novel out, a decision that was an unvoiced wish of my mother.

Just imagine:

A young girl is thinking about her lover, as she feels he isn’t respecting her and treating her with the honor she is due, and then a song plays on the radio that says, “You have to love your way through to the hard hearted and not weep but change them with your love.” Suddenly the girl stops her pity party and goes back and loves her man even more. She got a message of the radio too, but no one calls her ill!

Here is another

One day I was walking down the street with my whole life’s worries on my shoulders and a bus went past with a big advertisement on the back, “Take one day at a time, use such and such”

The take one day at a time pert of the advertisement really blessed me and I stopped worrying about a future that might not happen and as I was settled the words of Jesus in the Bible came to my mind, via my thought/ “voice” which said. “Take no thought for tomorrow for today has enough worries of its own.”

I was suddenly free of anxiety and worry.

Would you take that form of communication away from me? Well your medication tries to do it but it doesn’t stop it.

The fourth good thing

I see many wonderful things most people don’t.

I see angels dancing in my church each week. I have seen Jesus 45 times and have been to heaven five times. I have seen things that have blessed my heart so much. I have even seen hell. Doctors call these experiences hallucinations. In Christian circles we call them visions.

One day I am going to get a Digital camera and tell the world a detailed account of all these encounters and then going to make it into a DVD and have people transcribe it into a book and many thousands possibly millions will be blessed and encouraged in their faith through it.

I have met Michael the archangel four times in visions, Gabriel three times, the prophet Daniel once, the man Joseph once, I have met many of the saints in Heaven in visions.

I have met God in heaven and conversed with Him. My faith is not blind faith I have eyes where I can see things within my mind like a movie playing in there but it’s a real person standing in front of me or an angel. It’s a blast, and I wish other people could see like me.

I have prayed for people and God has opened their spiritual sight like me and they haven’t been mentally ill. They have been able to tell me the color of Jesus’ robe he had on and the sash and anything he had in his hands and I was able to confirm they were seeing it right. You should see a Christian person’s faith jump through the roof when they can see Jesus Christ standing right in front of them and speaking to them through my mouth.

Is your medication going to stop these visions? No

The “dark side” (i.e Lucifer and his fallen angels) give people visions( What you call hallucinations) also and these are very ugly and dark to hear about. A person needs more then a pill to stop these from occurring.

I am on a disability pension and on medication until the Lord Jesus tells me to stop taking it, but if you are a Christian I encourage you to have your loved one who has one of my illnesses to read this document.

I hope you learned something. It was a pleasure addressing you and I would be happy to email you and answer questions.


This article was not written to convince doctors in mental health that God and Satan exist, as they cling to their knowledge, science and lack of belief in all things spiritual, it was written to victims of mental illness, and Christian’s who suffer or care for the mentally ill.

I have been ill for sixteen years and I know quite a lot about the Bible, and one thing I know is that Christian church does not seem to understand mental illness as well as they should. Often times a person who suffers from voices can be introduced to Jesus and his gentle, quite and reassuring voice can soothe the suffering that comes from demons speaking awful things to you. I am a prophet and each week the pastor of our church allows me to address the whole church during worship time with a short encouraging message from God via my “voice”. I am stable on medication but the doctors in mental health that I have encountered really have not much insight into the sources of voices and the reality of real visions. They would say the book of Revelation was a hallucination and yet as Christians we all know it was a vision.

We all break down for a reason yet I find it most interesting that in my sixteen years in the system of mental health that not one professional has ever talked about my core issues and the reason I had my first breakdown, nor have they been interested.

God bless you

Matthew is one of two people that operate a site at Escape ministries is a place where people can be ministered to over the internet, by reading articles, watching videos and receiving personal prophetic words. James and Matthew invite you to visit today to look at some of the articles they have collected and watch some of the video teachings they are setting about to produce for you. You are encouraged to sign up for our monthly newsletter or simply email James or Matthew with any of your comments. We hope that you might bookmark it and come back to visit often as we pursue our mission statement that is found on our home page.

You can visit and view their video’s live at youtube by going direct to

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Christian Faith, Bipolar Disorder, and Schizophrenia; Part Two

December 19, 2006 by  

By Matthew Robert Payne

If you have read part one you have already ready read five pages of the things I had to write about tonight. I am not sure how other people write. I write from the heart, and so I do not do a lot of study, even when I write a teaching from the scriptures, I write and use scriptures that I know. I’d like to think in my articles I would say the same things if I was speaking to you face to face.

My life keeps me quite lonely. I am happy to say I have made a couple of friends through my articles, one Bipolar man overseas that might collaborate on designing a website with me, and another Bipolar girl in my own city who is going to become a café latte coffee friend and someone to chat to on the phone. Both were touched by my articles and so for fellow Bipolars and the people who love them I spend another night up typing.

So how do I write five pages without editing except for my proofreader?

Just like this. I sit down and start speaking by using my hands on a keyboard. I have a radio playing favourite hits from the last 20 years and my brain clicking and thoughts tumbling out and putting sentences together and they come out onto the screen at roughly 25 words a minute. I am hopeless at spelling and grammar and not even spell-check can fix my problems, but my proofreader can do wonders with what I write. Perhaps if you have not any confidence in your writing you might find yourself a proofreader and put something down on paper. I am so pleased to have my proofreader. He is a good friend and he loves to read what I have to write and guess what? He is Bipolar also!! Lol

When you live with a living God and you know that God sees everything you are doing and you have been loved by Him like I have, then you have confidence to share your warts and all truth. When you have no fear of truth coming out, you can simply sit down and write from the heart. When you write the truth from your heart, on many occasions the Holy Spirit can use what you have written. Many times in conversation with people, they say, “that’s amazing that you are saying that, I was only reading that yesterday and wanted to know the answer to that and look tonight you have told me.”

When you write from the heart, rather then write from much study, so much more is left up to pure inspiration and with inspiration the Holy Spirit gets a chance to place sentences into your mind. When you’re crafting a sentence the same can be true but it comes more from your mind then from your spirit. Writing from your heart and speaking from your heart is speaking from where your spirit resides. And there the first page is gone already!

Writing a warning from God to a nation.

When Jesus told me to write to the nation of the USA with a last day’s message it was around 12.30am in the morning. Little did I know it would be forty five pages long!

As they only allow a maximum of five pages online here in each article it would have to go to nine articles. I have not yet done that and made it nine articles.

So what can you do when the Holy Spirit directs you to do something like that?

You obey.

I have only read it twice. I had a friend edit it a little for me, taking out some of my bias out of the message. I had it on a website and had 1500 read it and have only had 3 people write to me. I don’t know how many people read all of it but 1500 people in this last year since December 2005 have read it. I’d like to put it on another website one day and advertise it.

Am I mad to write a prophetic message from God? Well no. It took some guts to write it. Since I wrote it I have read a couple of confirmations of it. God is angry with the moral decay of the West and the lukewarm Christianity that exists today. He is angry with the half hearted Christian life that is a life of taking from Him rather then a life of full time service. He is upset with the average Christian not leading anyone to the faith and not even sharing their faith.

On sharing your faith, an excellent book and the very best book I have read is “Share Jesus without fear, by William Fay.”

As an evangelist/prophetic person I value when an evangelist speaks. William says close to 90% of conversions to the Christian faith come from one on one encounters with a Christian and another person. In his book he shares a tried and proven method of doing one on one Gospel presentations of which he has done 25,000 himself. He is more than qualified.

No one taught me to prophesy, no one taught me how to use my gift of prophecy to evangelise people, well that’s if you don’t call the Holy Spirit a person lol. Yes I have been many things simply through the Holy Spirit and when I prophesy to a person or to a whole nation isn’t that the self same Holy Spirit that must bring the message?

Being delivered from demons…having demons speak to you…having a demon pretend to be the Holy Spirit and tell you lies and direct you to do things that you assume are God telling you to do.

I suggest every person who knows a person gifted in deliverance get themselves checked out by that person. A person can be full of pride and not have a demon of pride, yet sometimes they do. Humility is the answer to pride but being humble is hard to be when you are full of pride. Even with a low self esteem I struggle with pride.

Having demons speak to you.

You cannot speak to another person on earth through telepathy. This may upset some of you who currently do so and this may even hurt you more, but I am going to say it. If you think you are currently speaking to a known celebrity or some famous person on earth, ask them for their mobile phone number and ring it right away. If they don’t give you the number, they are a demon pretending to be a human. This hurts to know, but its only when you are willing to give up your voice that you have hope of getting right with God.

Having a demon pretend to be the Holy Spirit and tell you lies and direct you to do things that you assume are God telling you to do.

When Jesus or God is speaking to you, in many cases it is NOT Jesus or God. On many occasions it is a false spirit.

On these occasions you can test the spirit according to 1 John 4:2 by asking, “Are you Jesus Christ who came to earth in the flesh and dwelt among men and died for their sins and on the third day came back to life?”

If the spirit answers yes, then you have Jesus and you can speak and trust the spirit. If you get no answer or anything but a yes don’t listen to the spirit. I have two people that have told me this, and this test is from 1 John in the Bible, and I trust it. So go ahead and test the spirits.

The false Jesus, or false Holy Spirit has got me into a lot of trouble. It has been the source of a lot of my delusions and my manic behaviour and many things that have got me in trouble with the law. I test the spirits these days before I go ahead. Satan is very upset that I am not having many two way conversations with Jesus these days as he is not getting the opportunity to deceive me.

Many Christians never really hear the clear voice of Jesus or the Holy Spirit yet Jesus says quite clearly in scripture, “My sheep hear my voice and they follow me.”

After reading this you may be all freaked out and wondering how on one hand I can write a prophecy or prophesy to a person in the flesh or over the Internet and on the other hand be so honest on how many times I have been deceived.

I know Christians who will never step out in the gift of prophecy simply because they do not want to get the false Jesus on the line. They are willing not to hear from Jesus all their life so that they won’t be deceived. Most people have no idea about testing the spirits.

Staying up for three days and three nights without sleep.

I try not to do this too often, but I have to say I do enjoy doing it. To be able to stay up for two days is a gift I have that my mental illness allows me to have. It forces me into a mania a “high”. After a day and a half I can get quite emotional.

Sometimes when I am on the phone to my mother and I start crying she is able to tell I am “High” and often asks if I have been sleeping. This is answered with the truth and it makes my mother worry.

To be able to stay up all this time, a person has to be busy doing something. You can’t just lay on a sofa and close your eyes and relax or you are soon asleep. You have to be able to be talking or writing or watching TV or something.

The longer I am up the more creative I am. Sometimes I spend a whole night up and I write five of my articles in a day and a half. Sometimes it’s taken me three hours to write part one and down to here in part two. It’s 3am in the morning and I will stay up all night and today and go to sleep tonight.

Jesus spent a lot of time up. Sometimes He went all day and all night up. The less sleep He had the more on fire He was because He had spent more time with His Father.

Sleeping for two days straight.

I used to fall into a major depression once a year and now it seems every few weeks I have a cycle where I simply can’t get out of bed. I sleep forever and even around 3pm in the afternoon when I get up, unless I am busy I end up going back to bed I am so tired.

Well three days like this and all the sleep pulls me into a depression. This is very hard on me. I have just suffered a whole week like it and it is very tiresome. This week I simply felt so overwhelmed and overtaken by my illness that I thought of giving up. My prayer life has suffered my Bible reading has suffered. The more I don’t pray and the more I don’t spend time in the Word the less spiritual strength I have to fight.

If you have a loved one who sleeps a lot. Please accept this is not because they are lazy. Right now I could be sleeping, but I am up trying to fight this depression and having a creative night that might do a few people some good.

Mental illness can be such a struggle. A few weeks ago everything seemed rosy in my life. This last week in depression has sent me on a bender. If I was a drunk I would have really picked up the bottle. I know Satan hates the fact that I have given up the sex workers and is trying to bury me, but I have bought myself some St Johns Wort and I know that if I have to fight this with chemicals within a few weeks St Johns Wort will be winning the battle.

I love Jesus so very much. All night He has been playing me songs on the radio and singing to me and encouraging me. So even though sometimes I get stuck in bed for days, I know when the Holy Spirit inspires me I can stay up all night and write something like this article, The Christian faith, Bipolar disorder and Schizophrenia.

Being so depressed you can’t even wash clothes, shower, shave or cook for yourself…

It’s been two days since I have showered, I have almost run out of clothes, I have a weeks growth on my cheeks. I have no food in the house save breakfast cereal of which I have been eating.

In the past week I have only been up at the most, six hours a day and at the beginning of the week it took of all my mental strength not to ring all of my appointments this week and cancel them all, I simply could not be bothered to keep them.

After I finish this I have promised myself I am going to treat myself to a shower and a shave and to change into my last pair of clean clothes. I have loaded the washing machine and when the time is right about 7am I am going to put the washer on and by the time my case worker comes at 10 am the clothes should be hung out to dry.

Depression just locks you down. It kind of just shuts down your system. And just when you need friends you sort of shut yourself up from your friends and close your self off to others. That’s if you have many friends anyway. I am fortunate that I need to be in touch with my proofreader as we speak at least a couple of times a week.

It hurts so much being depressed. But because the hurt can’t be measured some people just can’t seem to understand it. For a person that has had mental illness for fourteen years I thought it would take something pretty big to shake me. But I have to say this past week has given me a shake, that it’s only scripture and the promises in the Bible that keeps my faith strong.

But I have to share with you, I am really scared. The first 30 articles might be a lot more upbeat then this one. But I have to tell you the truth. Satan hates people. He wants us to kill ourselves if he can achieve it. I am past looking for ways to kill myself but depression really scares me.

Take the time to pray for me and others who suffer with these illnesses. I hope part one and two gave you some insight.

Matthew shares his heart in these articles and can be found at You can read more of his articles at his link below.

If you want a copy of his upcoming book of articles which will have the first sixty of the articles on this web-site called “The Musings of a Mad Prophet” please contact Matthew via email so he can contact you around February 2007 to tell you of the progress of the book.

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Christian Faith, Bipolar Disorder, and Schizophrenia; Part one

December 17, 2006 by  

By Matthew Robert Payne

Growing up with Bible stories and the TV and movies, you come to know about maniac’s. As a teenager I knew that genius and insanity were very closely related. Little did I know I would one day become insane.

Insanity…being out of your mind…delusional….having visions of grandeur…deceived by evil spirits…possessed by demons…contacting the dead…trips to heaven and hell…seeing evil spirits…seeing angels…seeing Jesus…seeing people out of the Bible…all in Part One

writing five pages without editing except for a proofreader…writing a warning from God to a nation…being delivered from demons…having demons speak to you…having a demon pretend to be the Holy Spirit and tell you lies and direct you to do things that you assume are God telling you to do…staying up for three days and three nights without sleep… sleeping for two days straight…being so depressed you can’t even wash clothes, shower, shave or cook for yourself…all in Part two

These are all experiences I have had as a Christian with schizoaffective disorder. Which is Manic depressive (Bipolar disorder) and Schizophrenia bundled into one illness.

One thing I have found in the church is that FEW people understand mental illness. I also have never met a born again Christian in the mental health services I have been part of and so I am in limbo.

One time about five months ago when I was in hospital I prayed for a Schizophrenic patient to be able to hear from God, and asked her to repeat about four sentences that I would have God speak to her. The message was a message I wanted to hear from God but didn’t have the faith to ask Him myself as my own head was in a bad place with deceiving spirits going rampant. She was half way through the second sentence and tears were streaming down my face. God gave me a very comforting and reassuring message of hope in the midst of my crisis.

The patient who delivered the message was astounded that I was so affected and told me that she was so in love with the voice that had spoken the message to her. She said the voice was so soft and so full of love and so different to the voices that spoke to her. I told her that she could always ask God to speak to her and He would comfort her.

Everybody thinks Schizophrenic patients are possessed. Every one has half answers. Ask the same believers to cast the demons out of these patients and they are first to admit that they haven’t got the gift.

So how do I cope?

Man, I have to tell you this with all honesty.

I go to dark places and I cry. I cry a lot.

I pray.

I read my Bible.

And I chat to God.

Let me address each of the topics briefly that I mentioned above.

Insanity…being out of your mind.

Whenever you dream, daydreaming is being out of your mind. Where it crosses over to insanity is when you start to believe the reality is true. Many mentality ill people get help from inside their heads as an inner voice to think insane thoughts. I have in the past been quite convinced I was talking to Mary Magdalene in heaven. I used to speak to her for an hour each night. I was thrilled to be speaking to a person so close to Jesus. This is insanity.


Delusional as I understand the term is just like being out of your mind. In the year 2000 I began to speak to my ex wife in my mind. I was told by a spirit that was pretending to be Jesus that through my ex wife I was going to contact a whole lot of witches and convert them to Christianity and because they were gifted in the dark arts they were going to be very effective and powerful in the Christian world when they are operating out of love.

I asked who I thought was Jesus how to do it and he stepped me through it. Soon the whole 144,000 of the book of Revelation were converted and all were ex witches and I was the leader. I had a number of girls that I was speaking to in my mind and one was appointed as leader. Without much sleep I would preach to the 144,000 converts and teach them things and then I would ask them questions and we would do a count of the answers in percentage of which the lead girl would do a tally. Most of them were yes and no answers. When I started wanting to meet the Australian girls and the ones in my city and started to ask for phone numbers and email addresses I was told that it was a whole lot more convenient to speak like this.

If you have a Schizophrenic friend, ask them the answer they got from their voice they are speaking to when they asked for the phone number, mailing address, or email address.

The most common demonic response is that it’s cheaper and more convenient to do it through telepathy. I never pushed it further to the second and third level lies from demons.

Having visions of Grandeur…deceived by evil spirits.

I have thought I was one of the two witnesses of Revelation chapter 11. A human being who isn’t one of these two last days prophets who is convinced that they are, is most often mentally ill. When people said I wasn’t, this only made me more confident as I said, “No one believed in the prophets of the Bible, and so having no one believe me makes it more credible.” The only thing that brought my thinking back to reality was medication.

Many mentally ill people have low self esteem and so thinking they are a modern John the Baptist or Jesus or one of the two last day’s prophets makes them feel important. These delusions that the patient takes on makes them a person that is important and they will fight not to let go of this through of importance. All the way though my delusion I had a “Jesus” voice speaking to me that wasn’t Jesus. I never considered that Jesus would lie to me and so nothing my parents or friends said could be convincing to me.

God had grace on me though,as he allowed the Jesus voice on two occasions six years apart say something that turned out to be a lie. I never forgot the lies and could not reconcile I am the Way the Truth and the Life (John 14:6) of what Jesus said of Himself and the lies my Jesus had told me. I had simply forgiven Him and tried to forget it. Then two years ago anointed preacher from Malaysia told me my Mary Magdalene, the God the Father voice and the Jesus voice that were speaking to me were demons and that I was not to speak to them. I obeyed.

Possessed by demons.

On four occasions I have been delivered of demons. On only three of the occasions did I feel any better afterwards. As I have had an addiction to prostitutes I have always had a vessel full of all sorts of demons that have sex with me and fill me back up again. Touch wood by faith I have conquered that addiction so in months to come when I am delivered again they will stay out of me.

Much of the Christian community does not believe in demon possession. Fewer still believe that a born again Christian can be possessed. It’s as if demons disappeared 2000 years ago.

I have a number of demons still in me. I have to spend time on my faith, in the Word and in prayer and healing before I am ready for them to come out.

At present I know a man with a spirit of murder in him and he wants to kill me. Of late this has caused me some distress and put me into a depression. I have to avoid a whole block of my city for my life’s sake and this has upset me. Demons are real. Most times it’s a demon that is speaking to a Schizophrenic. But it’s not easy to turn that voice off even for a Christian with that illness.

Fear, lust and a spirit of Masons have been cast out of me. The Masonic spirit leaving made my whole head seem free. The spirit of fear had a big difference on my personality and is trying to re-exert itself through the man who wants to kill me. The Lord himself lifted the spirit of lust one day after I repented in tears and touch wood I have not been with a sex worker since.

Contacting the dead…trips to heaven and hell.

Often times when in conversation with a stranger the Holy Spirit will direct me to ask them if they have a question for Jesus. Sometimes the person will ask how a dead relative is. On many occasions Jesus will give me a message to share about their relative. On some occasions the relative has spoken. I know in the Law a medium is condemned yet each time it comes a surprise to me the question, and in almost every case the person’s eyes fill up with tears. I know this could be a familiar spirit but on most of the occasions I can describe the house the relative has in heaven and all the furniture and they are able to confess that features in the house I describe are exactly what they person would love but never had the money to own on earth or something like that. I see visions of the house and the people when this happens.

On many occasions I have been to heaven. I have been into a throne room at one time and seen a big ball of light like I think Isaiah saw. I explain that in more detail in my article Modern Prodigal Goes to Heaven. One time I saw a whole park full of children and Jesus told me it was all the children in heaven that had no parents. Most of them were abortions on earth. That was a memorable trip. One time in heaven Jesus put a big diamond the size of a soccer ball in my hand. Later on the Father said that diamond that I held would run the USA government for 200 years. He told me that was what he thought of money as the wall I took it out of was hundreds of feet high and miles long all of which were diamonds of that size. Bill Gates with all his wealth wouldn’t even be able to buy one of them, such is the verse Jesus said, “Beware of greediness, life does not consist of the abundance of one’s possessions.” And also when He said, “what does it profit a man if He gains the whole world and loses His own soul?” That wall of diamonds showed me the reality of those two verses.

Yeah I am no one great. But each time I have been to heaven it has been memorable for me. A month ago I took a guy to heaven in his mind in a vision where he met his wife that had died a year before. He saw her sitting with Jesus in a meadow full of yellow flowers and a waterfall in the distance. She smiled at him and spoke to him. I was pleased that he could tell me what she had said and done as I watched it happen and was able to confirm it.

I have been to a part of hell for two fifteen minute trips. It’s not a place you want to visit. If you are reading this and you are not a Christian, I invite you to email me and tell me so, I have a few passages in the Bible I want you to look up.

Seeing evil spirits…seeing angels…seeing Jesus…seeing people out of the Bible.

I have only once seen an evil spirit of lust on a girl. It did not look nice. The best I can say is it looked like one of those dragons, people like to collect in popular shops. It gave her an attraction to all the guys and she was very attractive also. One of the Christian men I was with pointed it out and when he did I saw it.

I once asked Jesus, “How come I see angels all the time and I don’t see demons?” He said, “Matthew if you saw the demons around you most of the time, you would not get any sleep.” I laughed, understood and never once complained since. Sometimes I have discernment of spirits and I can tell the name of a demon a person has inside of them, but I don’t see the demon.

However I have seen so many angels it would take a whole article to share all of them with you. Five times I have had the honour to see Michael the archangel. All but one time, He was in the company of Jesus. One time a few weeks before I went to hospital he was with me walking down the street. I saw two big guard dogs back off when I walked toward them as confirmation he was with me. The same day I had a six year old girl confirm that he was with me and when I told her Michael was a fighter, she started to have a play fight shadow boxing into the thin air as her mother wondered what had come over her daughter. With my two confirmations I felt convinced yes on that day I walked with Michael. I have felt a strong presence of God in a church and many times seen angels worshipping God in my church. On some special occasions to me I have seen women angels dancing.

Six years ago I was on a beach at 2am in the morning and Jesus had told me to move away from my family and go 400 miles and to Sydney where I had no friends and 800 miles from my son. On that night I asked Jesus where He was I was so caught up in my love for Him. He told me He was just beyond the breakers. I knew sharks like to cruise right behind the breakers for fish and night time was the wrong time to be swimming there, but I pushed the fear aside and went to swim out. As soon as I took a step toward the water the water receded 100 feet. I asked Jesus what was going on, and he said, “Not tonight, but you will meet me real soon.”

I said, “You said in the Book of Revelation that you are coming soon and that has been 200 years. How soon is soon?”

He said “very very soon Matthew.”

Three weeks later I met Jesus in Sydney in the flesh. He was dressed as a hungry, homeless man, dirty and forsaken by men. He did three things is my presence that were miracles to prove that He was who I thought He was. One of them was disappear into thin air.

I have seen Jesus in heaven, seen Him on many occasions in visions on earth and not less then ten times with one of my good friends. I once have been knighted by Jesus with a sword. I do not know what that means. When He spoke for ten minutes in the flesh on His ideas on the Gospels, the speech was so rich, so profound that I know it would take many years’ study to understand the depths of it.

In heaven I have met people out of the Bible. I have also met Daniel and the Apostle John on earth in visions on earth. I know I will have some role to play in these end times simply because both these men wrote visions of prophecy about these last days. Daniel came and comforted me in hospital.

Seeing evil spirits, seeing angels, seeing Jesus and dead people would have a sane person committed to a psychiatric ward of most hospitals, but to me these are regular experiences and you can’t have me put away because at present my mental health workers are very happy with my state of health. I am in a major depression and they can’t even tell.

As you can see I have not covered all of the topics. The rest: of them being:

writing five pages without editing except a proofreader…writing a warning from God to a nation…being delivered from demons…having demons speak to you…having a demon pretend to be the Holy Spirit and tell you lies and direct you to do things that you assume are God telling you to do…staying up for three days and three nights without sleep… sleeping for two days straight…being so depressed you can’t even wash clothes, shower, shave or cook for yourself…will be covered in part two.

Matthew shares his heart in these articles and can be found at You can read more of his articles at his link below.

If you want a copy of his upcoming book of articles which will have the first sixty of the articles on this web-site called “The Musings of a Mad Prophet” please contact Matthew via email so he can contact you around February 2007 to tell you of the progress of the book.

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