Things Caregivers Do to Hurt Themselves and Their Loved Ones

Refuse to ask for help–Caregivers tend to get frustrated that other family members and close friends are not chipping in as they should.  Instead of reaching out, they often adopt the attitued, “if I want it done right, I’ll have to do it myself.”  This is not good for anyone, the caregiver, the family or the one who needs the care.

Play martyr–Martyrdom is noble and had, maybe even still has its place in society.  However, your loved one needs you alive not sacrificing your own health and overall well being, in order to give care.

Grieve alone–Caregivers are people who get things done.  Taking time to share their feelings with others is rarely on the top of the ”to do” list.  However, it is very important to not only allow yourself to feel your feelings, but also to share them in a safe and non-judgemental environment.

Fail to nurture relationships–Caregiving is consuming at times, and caregivers tend to become so wraped up in the job at hand that they don’t take the time to feed and nurture relationships with other family members and good friends.

Ignore spouse/significant others–I made a distinction because those who are closest to caregivers may suffer the most.   It’s hard to think about working to keep the flames of marriage going when you are concerned about your loved one 24/7.  Yet, nurturing a relationship on one hand may give you a moment of peace on another to help you as you battle Alzheimer’s disease.

Act reactively instead of proactively–It is so important to know what’s coming in terms of the disease.  Not just to know, but to know and understand how those stages will impact your level of care. Please see my series of posts on the Stages of Alzheimer’s disease. The role of the caregiver changes significantly as the illness progresses.

Fail to plan–I’ve said it before, “If yo fail to plan, then you plan to fail.”  Alzheimer’s care facility, standard long term care facility, in home care provided by family and friends, in home care supplemented by an agency, these are all options that should be carefully considered and not at the last minute when waiting lists and ease of admission may come to bear more heavily on the decision than they should.

Take life too seriously–Caregiving is very serious (and sometimes depressing) business.  But, it takes much more energy to frown than it does to smile.  So, laugh, read something funny or watch something funny.  You are still alive and you can ENJOY life.

What do you think? What did you do wrong? What’s your blunder?  Maybe you got something right. Tell us about it, leave a comment

               

Caregiver’s Corner–Get HELP

While college students plan their parties and high school students consider their weekend options; while your coworkers give thought to what movie they’ll see this weekend and family members consider how they might celebrate Easter, your plans remain the same. 

Whether you have dinner with family, attend a religious service or plan to stay home, one thing is constant.  You are a caregiver.

And there is at least one characteristic that is common among almost all caregivers, we are stressed and we need HELP.  You will rarely find a caregiver who says, “I’m all set, I have all the help and support I need.  My family readily chips in and I get a break whenever I need it.”

So, let me give you some practical suggestions as to how to get some much needed help:

ASK–I know that your brother should know that you take care of mom all week and that you need a break on the weekends.  But he didn’t renew his subscription to “Mind Reader Today,” so his skills have gotten a bit rusty.  Besides, you make it look easy and you seem to have everything under control.  So let him know that you need some help. 

BE SPECIFIC–”I could use some help you know” is not a request.  It’s a statement yelled in anger, frustration or desperation.  Or, it’s  breathed under your breath, either way, it still does not express what you really need. Try these specific requests and see how they work out:

• John, would you sit with mother on Saturday morning from 9 to 1?
• Mary, would you please prepare lunch for mom on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
• Mike, would you be willing to give mom dinner on Tuesday evenings?
• Linda, I know your schedule is tight. We are all stretched.  If I give you advance notice, would you handle taking mom to the doctor (or wherever)?

GET MOM OUT OF THE HOUSE–This one depends on what stage of Alzheimer’s you are dealing with.  Senior centers and Adult Day Care programs are excellent options.  They provide:

Opportunities for your loved one to socialize

Skill appropriate activities

Opportunity to get exercise 

A much needed break for YOU. 

In addition, many provide transportation to and from the center as well.

YOU GET OUT OF THE HOUSE–Consider paid help.  I have only one older brother.  At the time I was caring for my mom, we did not live in the same state.  So, I was pretty much on my own 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  It was a formula for disaster and depression.  Eventually, I hired someone to come in and help out.  On occasion, my husband or a church member would hold the fort down while I took a quick breather.

It was during my caregiving days that I buried superwoman along with her big red “S,” blue spandex and red cape flying in the wind.  I suggest you have a ceremony right now, let the superman/woman thing go. It’s a great cartoon, but doesn’t work in real life.

If you want to serve your loved one well and for the long haul, learn to ask for help and take care of YOU. 

Assignment–Get some HELP!

               

STATINS TO HELP MS

17 March 2006

A DRUG to lower cholesterol could also help multiple sclerosis sufferers, say researchers.

Tests on mice with a similar auto-immune condition produced remarkable results when cholesterol busting statin Lipitor was combined with MS drug Copaxone.

It helped prevent or reduce paralysis, said scientists at the University of California and Stanford University Medical Center in California.

Team member Dr Olaf Stuve said: “It represents a potential new strategy for treating MS.” The MS Society said: “These are promising results.”

Source