Cave Days

No matter how much you educate yourself, how much you prepare for battle in every way; there will still be days you feel like crawling into the cave and giving up.

You had those days before you had cancer and its normal to have them now.

Rules for the cave:

• Give yourself a time limit for the cave
• Get it all out. Try writing a letter you don’t send, have a good cry–whatever helps you express your grief, anger, sadness, frustration or pain
• Track back. At least do yourself the courtesy of figuring out exactly what triggered how you feel
• Rest. Battling too long without extra mental, physical and spiritual nourishment drains the warrior.
• Indulge in something that makes you feel special like silk pajamas, a hardback book, a special tea cup, or a slice of baklava

When the buzzer goes off and its time to come out of the cave- take a moment for review.

Have you activated a support team as part of your treatment plan? Do you have an advocate who can take some of the load on days when you can’t put on your battle gear? Have you cultivated friends with cancer who understand exactly what you are going through?

What about you?

Is it possible you haven’t allowed any you time in your busy schedule? Are you trying to maintain a ‘normal’ life and dealing with your ‘cancer’ life on the side. Are you trying to juggle all the balls all by yourself in an effort to not let anyone down?

Again. What about you?

Get out your calendar and plan you time.

• How about a movie that makes you smile. You can go by yourself you know. How about Nim’s Island?
• What is your favorite store? Hardware store? Bookstore? Used Clothing Boutique? Fabric Store? Art Gallery? Plan an outing around your store. Allow yourself a few hours to window shop then go for a nice cup of tea or the beverage of your choice.
• Take yourself back to your youthful innocence. What haven’t you done since you were a kid? A picnic? A trip to the zoo? Had a fudge sundae? Looked at all the pets in the window of the pet store.
• Pencil in an hour or two to laugh. How about You Tube’s Best In Jest Videos?

Now that you’re out of the cave…

I have to tell you the cave could use a little renovation. It’s depressing. Consider a new coat of paint, maybe in soothing blue tones, or calming pink.

Have you considered candles and artwork? Or posters? Let me direct you to cave wares:

• Illuminations
  
• Etsy
• All Posters
• Behr

And finally, from the archives a few post to review:

Is Anybody Out There?

Patient Advocacy

               

I Have Cancer, and This is What I Want You to Know, pt. 3

Recently, I have spent most of my day in intimate contact with a number of newly diagnosed cancer patients and their families. I’ve written this guide specifically from the view of the recently diagnosed for their friends, family and acquaintances of people with cancer. This is the third installment of the series — you can read part one here and part two here. 

The side effects are driving me crazy. Here’s an interesting tidbit: the treatments that I’m getting leave me with a weird taste in my mouth. Sometimes I just don’t feel like eating because of it. Also, during the days I have treatment, I might feel woozy and nauseous.

Please understand that it’s a very difficult thing to suddenly have to give up control of your body, and often times I am frustrated by my physical limitations. There are some days that just zap all my energy and it can take all of my strength to keep up with my daily activities. Sometimes I forget that this can be equally frustrating for you, too, especially if you’ve been trying to cheer me up by trying to take me out somewhere. Try this first: call, even if you’re not a big fan of using a phone. Come over and visit. I still want to you to be part of my life, we just need to work together and adjust.

Speaking of that, you should probably know that the things we used to talk about might not seem that important to me right now. I know, that seems contradictory to the idea of leading a normal life. It’s just that the kind of things that used to get us all worked up — the personality quirks about your significant other, the office gossip — might not seem as life-changing to me as it did before. I appreciate the effort that you’re making to help me go on with life as usual. It’s just that no one ever tells you that cancer can change your personality, too.

Don’t miss the next installment of the four-part series, “I Have Cancer, and This is What I Want You to Know.” Subscribe to our feed!

               

I Have Cancer, and This is What I Want You to Know - Pt. 2

This is the second installment of a continuing series for friends, family and acquaintances of people with cancer. You can read part one here.

 

Daily chores may be difficult for me. Treatments can leave me tired and groggy. I can be in a lot of pain. I’ve got a million things on my mind. Chemotherapy, pain medication and anesthesia can leave me in a drug-induced haze. But the world doesn’t revolve around me and my needs — do you want to help? Offer to clean my house. Pick up my kid from piano lessons. Grab some stamps for me at the post office. Sometimes I’ll ask you, and sometimes I won’t because I don’t want to impose. I would really appreciate it.

Just because I’m not in the hospital doesn’t mean that I’m not getting treatment. If I’m taking my chemotherapy or radiation treatment in an outpatient procedure, I can be visiting a clinic almost every day. This isn’t too bad if I’m being treated at a local cancer center — I can drive myself or find someone who can take me if I’m unable to provide my own transportation. But if I’m receiving treatment at a specialized cancer center, I might have to take up residence somewhere somewhere else, even out of state!

I may have difficulty holding down a traditional 9-to-5. My workplace might not allow me to take more than a few weeks of medical leave. Sometimes I might not even be in the right frame of mind to be a good employee. This can be difficult for me not just financially but emotionally.

As you can see, there’s a lot on my mind. But even though I may not be ready to share these feelings with you right now, I would really appreciate if you would be there when I am.

Don’t miss the next installment of the four-part series, “I Have Cancer, and This is What I Want You to Know.” Subscribe to our feed! 

               

Cancer, Chemo and Sex

I have been asked recently whether frequent guest-poster Amanda is my outspoken secret identity. The answer is, “No.” Amanda is very much a real person, and you’ll soon be able to see her writing on a new blog that will be launching soon. In the meantime, read her take on some of the little-known aspects of cancer treatment here:Let’s play an association game. I give you a word, and you record the first thing that comes to mind. If I say “hammer”, you might say “nail”. Another example would be if I said “oxygen”, and if you are an utter science geek like me, you might be thinking respiration (or maybe not). Now, what if I said “chemotherapy”? The last thing to cross your mind would probably be “sex”. But maybe it should be.Chemotherapy, while a necessary evil in the fight against cancer progression, is absolute hell on your body and your mind. You may feel nauseous and sick all the time, you are going lose weight, and you may even lose your hair. In addition to all this, you can also experience a complete loss of sexual desire, vaginal infections, dryness, and impotence. With all you are experiencing relating to the battle with cancer, this additional load is the last thing anyone needs to deal with.I am all for sex, believe me. Sex is great!! However, when a loved one is undergoing chemotherapy, they are probably not feeling very desirable or attractive. They are probably nauseous and have a headache. The important thing is that you don’t have live without sex while fighting your cancer. Now, if you just went through a cycle of chemo, and the mere thought of sex makes you want to throw up, DON’T have sex. The choice is yours. But if you do want to have sex with your partner, but don’t know how to get past the chemo-induced obstacles, talk to your doctor. Burst through the waiting room, screaming “I want sex!!! Give me sex!!”  Well, maybe that is a bad idea, but you get the point. Cancer does not have to be the end of your sex life. You just need to learn to outmaneuver the treatment.Like what you’re reading? Consider subscribing to our feed! 

               

Young Cancer Patients Declare, ‘I’m Too Young For This!’

I seemed to have totally missed this, but I’m Too Young For This, the popular community for young adults aged 15 - 39 with cancer, made it on TIME Magazine’s list of the 50 Best Websites of 2007. Congratulations!

From their website:

Our vision is to be the progressive, creative and disruptive voice for the young adult demographic in a future where the burden of cancer is marginalized to that of a manageable chronic condition—similar to HIV and diabetes—in a future where it is unilaterally accepted that survivorship is the cure to cancer.

Visitors to their website will find a thriving community, social networking links, instructions on how to host a happy hour, The Stupid Cancer Show radio broadcast and a host of other resources.