The Essence of Caregiving - LOVE

Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees as the old saying goes, and sometimes, as caregivers, we get so wrapped up in solving problems, putting out fires, going to doctor’s appointments and dealing with legal issues like POA, etc. that we forget the real reason we became caregivers in the first place.

Because We Love

Most of us signed on as caregivers because we love our spouses, parents, grandparents or other family members and we felt like we could care for them better than anyone else. Most of us also want to keep our loved ones out of care facilities for as long as possible. Sometimes we are just kind of thrown into caregiving and sometimes there is a clear line of when it begins. Spouses, for example, just kind of slide into caregiving, whereas children or other family members tend to make more of a conscious decision to get more involved in the lives of their loved ones. Either way, it’s a decision that is made based on love and necessity.

But somewhere along the way, somewhere between determining whether or not you need an elderlaw attorney and searching for an adult day care center. Somewhere between keeping grandpa from taking of his clothes in the mall and helping grandma to put hers on we got so wrapped up in the forest of caregiving and so stressed by the isolation and overwhelming nature of it all that we forgot the tree standing right in front of us. We forget to actively and intentionally LOVE.

LOVE Your Loved One

Yes, we continue to love our parents; and our emotional response reminds us of our love as we grieve their illness, but it gets harder and harder to express our love as the illness progresses. Their favorite gifts no longer interest them. Their favorite activities have faded from memory. Even their favorite people, ie. Grandchildren, nieces, nephews, spouses and children may or may not elicit a favorable response.

Yet, we have to remember the difficult truth that, grandma or mom or dad won’t be with us always, so even though the time spent is very different, I encourage you to hold a hand, give a hug, listen to a story (again), tell a story (for the 5th time), pull out that old record or just be there. Your loved one may not be able to articulate it, but everyone needs encouragement and you know what your mom, grandpa or grandma loved you first.

So, today, let the tasks go and just take a moment to LOVE your loved one.

               

Organizing Your Kitchen–Make a Menu Plan

Your kitchen is safe, uncluttered and organized. Now, let’s turn our attention to maximizing your time and efforts so that you can actually spend less time in the kitchen and get more done in other areas.

I don’t know about you, but mealtimes can be very stressful for me. The very thought of figuring out what to make for breakfast, lunch and dinner 7 days a week drives me crazy, but only when I am not prepared.

What’s the best way to prepare? PLAN. You might think, given all of your caregiving activities, that you don’t have time to plan a menu, but nowadays, I wonder how I survived without a plan.

Advantages of meal planning:

Meal planning saves MONEY–If you purchase groceries based on a menu for the week versus just going to the store and grabbing some items, you will save money. In addition, working your plan, you can eliminate those supposedly quick trips to the grocery store. You know how it is, you run in planning to grab a couple chicken breasts and a frozen vegetable and $60.00 later, you are scratching your head at the cash register. Meal planning helps to avoid that.

Meal planning saves STRESS–If you plan your meals ahead of time, you don’t have to think every day about what to eat. You just execute your plan and if you are a wise planner, then you will work it so that you cook 3-4 meals and eat 6 or 7 times.

Meal planning saves TIME–It saves thought time and preparation time. I made a pot of penne pasta and two sauces. Last night, we had it with white sauce. Next time, we’ll have it with meatballs and red sauce.

Meal planning saves CALORIES–Most of us tend to make better choices when we plan a meal, versus eating out or just throwing something together. When you plan, you can actually be sure you are getting a balanced meal that includes fruits, veggies and whole grains, instead of just grabbing the fastest, easiest foods available.

How to plan your meals

First you have to decide your primary goal. Is it to save money, time or calories or all of the above?

If your goal is to save money, then start with the coupon section of Sunday’s paper and build your meals based upon what’s on sale.

If your goal is to save time, then start with ingredients that can be “recycled” for example, if you have beans and rice today, then another day you can have wraps using the same beans. If you do chicken breast today, then another day you can serve chicken salad. I rarely cook a meal that doesn’t have at least two “lives.”

If your goal is low calories or high nutrition, then build your meals around fresh fruits, veggies and whole grains. It really doesn’t matter which method you use. What matters, is that you PLAN. At first, it might seem time consuming, but you will quickly discover that it will save you time and money.

I generally make a chart that includes breakfast lunch and dinner for each day of the week. In the last column I list the items needed from the grocery store. You can check out an example of my sample-plan-ahead-menu.pdf

You can do this for a week or two at at time. If it seems like too much, start with dinner and build from there. Sometimes, everyone in the house can’t eat the same thing. For example, my mom, might have had a hard time negotiating a wrap, but she could eat the beans and the “fixins” without the wrap.

The bottom line is that planning your meals can save you time, money and stress as you battle Alzheimer’s disease.

               

Organizing Your Kitchen–

Now, that your kitchen is safe, let’s get to the business of getting organized for maximum effectiveness.

Note: Caregivers who are responsible for meal preparation, sometimes feel as if they spend all day in the kitchen. An unorganized, cluttered kitchen can cause the calmest person to feel stress. Add in caregiving for a person with Alzheimer’s disease and and a disorganized kitchen can just about make you crazy.

Step One–Get rid of items you no longer use. Donate to charity, give away to a friend or just plain toss. Whatever you do, clear as much clutter as you can prior to beginning your organization project.

Step Two–Assess your appliances and tools. This is an important step. You should toss the 10 year old melon baller that you haven’t used since your nieces wedding. The large capacity mixer that you 1) don’t have the parts for and 2) have forgotten what to do with the parts if you did have them can go. Post it on freecycle.org and watch someone snatch it up before you have a chance to change your mind. Finally, with regards to appliances and tools, the litmus test is simple. Look at the appliance or tool and ask yourself two simple questions: 1–When is the last time I used this appliance or tool? 2- -Will I realistically use this appliance or tool within the next month? If you haven’t used it or are not planning to use it then let it go.

Step Three–Consider storage solutions and drawer organizers. A couple of years ago, I adopted the mantra for my kitchen, “A place for everything and everything in its place.” I purchased (from the dollar store) small containers for my drawers. That way, instead of just tossing small items into a “junk drawer” you can actually place them into a small basket in the drawer. Pens, markers, erasers in one container. Tape measure, ruler in another. Labels, safety pins and ….you get the point. It feels soooo good to open my former junk drawer and actually be able to locate what I’m looking for.

Food Storage–It’s not necessary to spend lots of money on canisters, etc. Just store your food, so that you can see what’s there. I use glass containers for my flours because I like to see what I have. However, glass is heavy and breakable, so I use clear plastic for cereal. Its easy to see when I need to refill or purchase and its easy for the kids to handle without spilling. Your system has to work for you.

Step Four–Think Horizontal (again). Clear counter tops. I have a fairly large kitchen and lots of counter space, so I keep my appliances out. That way, I actually use them and save a step since I don’t have to pull them out and then put them away. Even if you do keep your appliances out, the counter tops should not be cluttered with items that don’t belong there.

If you have any piles on the kitchen floor, get rid of them. In terms of the top of the refrigerator, stove, cabinets, clear those spaces. You’ll be amazed at how much larger (and inviting) your kitchen looks when the horizontal spaces are clear.

Step Five–Clean. The kitchen is one of the areas that requires the most cleaning as you get organized. So, use some elbow grease if necessary and get those internal (shelves) and external (floors, counter tops) horizontal spaces as clean as a whistle.

Step Six–Join me tomorrow and I’ll tell you how to organize and plan your meals, so that you can actually spend LESS time in your newly organized kitchen.

               

Organizing Your Kitchen-Safety First!

So, are you getting control of your clutter? How’s the organization coming along? Here’s what we’ve covered so far.

Why Get Organized?

General Organization 101

Caregiver Organization Books and Papers

Conquering the Clutter in Your Closets

Organizing Your Bedroom

Today, we turn our attention to the kitchen. A neat and well organized kitchen can save lots of time. Toss in some deliberate meal planning and you will gain at least an hour, if not more per week.

However, from a caregiving perspective, you want to first and foremost, make sure that the kitchen is a safe place. It is for this reason that I’ll dedicate today’s post to safety concerns.

If there is any question with regards to proper utilization of knives, scissors or small appliances like blender, mini-choppers, food processors, etc. then they should be put out of reach.

Give serious attention to the “junk drawer.” It’s an accident waiting to happen. Screwdrivers, scissors, knives and matches can cause major problems. Even seemingly innocuous items like pencils, erasers, pens and safety pins can be problematic.

Consider childproof latches on cabinets where cleaning supplies and medications are kept.

Kitchen rugs are cute, but can be a real hazard. Be sure they are non-slip. Also watch to see if your loved one’s depth of perception is off. Depending on the color or texture, your loved one may feel as if he or she has to step up or down to properly negotiate the carpet. This could result in injury due to slip or fall. At some point throw rugs may need to be thrown away.

The stove, oven, dishwasher and garbage disposal are also potentially dangerous. The stove and oven are self-explanatory. Burns can occur and damage can occur via the dishwasher if not properly used. A confused person can easily get his or her hand or something else caught in the garbage disposal.

You will have to adjust your own safety measures depending up on your loved one and where he or she is in the disease process.

Just think, “safety first” AND to be willing to err on the side of caution as you battle the monster, Alzheimer’s disease.

               

Conquering the Clutter in Your Closets

My excuse is that I need more closet space. Be it the kitchen, hallway, spare room or my bedroom, I just don’t have enough closet space. Of course, the problem with that argument is that I know people with half the space I have and somehow they manage to be much more organized than I am.

Then there is the fact that McMillan and Company Professional Organizers say that, “about 80% of clutter is due to disorganization NOT lack of space.”

De-cluttering your closets is a great place to start, that way, you can have space to put things away as you get organized. Because I’m tackling the kitchen in a separate post, I’ll stick mostly to closets in the bedroom, spare room and hallway.

First of all, it isn’t going to help to just shift items from one place to another. Get rid of clothes that don’t fit. I bit the bullet last year and got rid of all of my “fat” clothes. That gives me great incentive to watch my weight because I have no “plan B” and I sure don’t intend to actually go and purchase any larger sizes. Next, if you haven’t worn it or used it for a year or so, get rid of it. The exception would be formal wear or items used yearly, such as holiday items.

After you have tossed out several items, go through and see if there is ANYTHING else that can GO.

Now, as a caregiver you may be responsible for your loved one’s living space (if you aren’t now you probably will be at some point). This is a good time to purge. Keep the items that are comfortable and easy to get into and out of. I know of some people who put complete outfits together, so that their loved one (or caregiver) just pulls out one hanger and everything is there.

Next, make a plan. Bedroom closets, particularly have several categories of items: clothes, coats/jackets, shoes, belts, ties and purses. Some people categorize by color or by season. I am not sure it matters HOW you categorize, but it is important to get your own organizational set up. You might have to pick up some hangers, tie/belt rack or shoe organizer. Of course, you can also purchase a closet organizing system as well. Whatever your plan, make this your mantra. “A place for everything and everything in its place.”

Finally, you have to maintain your area. Give your closets 15 minutes per week of “maintenance.” That (well spent time) should enable you to get anything in order that isn’t in its place, remove items that don’t belong and adjust anything that isn’t working.

Happy Organizing. I promise that clearing the clutter will help in your battle against Alzheimer’s disease.

               

General Organization 101

Yesterday, we talked about why caregivers need to get organized. The primary benefits were the time to be saved because of he decreased need to search for misplaced items and time saved in cleaning home and office with less clutter.

Cleaning professionals say that getting rid of excess clutter would eliminate 40% of the housework in an average home.

If you are like me, you recognize the need for getting organized, you just can’t imagine that you have the day or d-a-y-s that it will take to get everything in order.

Time getting organized is time well spent. One hour spent getting your life in order could save you several hours later. So, let’s get at it.

General Organization Tips:

Start in an area that is really important to you. If you begin your organization in an area that you really need to be clean, it will make you feel better and probably immediately increase your productivity and overall well being. There is nothing like walking into an area that was previously cluttered and seeing it clean. That feeling will be multiplied the moment you walk in and can actually FIND something without spending 10-15 minutes or more searching.

Take baby steps. Instead of dreading that you have to spend a day cleaning your office, plan on spending 15-20 minutes each day for a week. First of all, you’ll use your time wisely because you know you will only be there for a short time. Secondly, you will be able to get a feel for what really needs to be done in the area.

Don’t be afraid to THROW things AWAY. When in doubt, toss, sell it or donate it, but let it GO. My general rule is that if I haven’t worn it or used it for a year, it’s got to go. This is a good time to select a charity and give, give, give. We are working on our basement. My goal has been to have the Vietnam Veterans of America to pick up once a week. That forces me to go through at least a few boxes or a small area to have something for them to take away. I schedule the pick-up in advance instead of waiting till I have something. That way, I am on the hook to get a few boxes ready to go.

Get Creative. Consider a yard sale, online swap site or ebay. Think about having a friend to help you for an hour and then you do the same. You get some help, some socialization and you’ve put in a little more time than you usually do. Two hands and heads are better than one.

Tomorrow…more organization tips!

What about you? How do you get organized? Do you need help getting organized? What is your biggest barrier to decreasing clutter and getting organized?

               

What is Hospice Care?

As your loved one comes to the end stages of Alzheimer’s disease, you will have to make some very difficult decisions. Over the next few days, I’m going to talk about hospice care, what it is and isn’t. The myths and misconceptions, the advantages/disadvantages of getting into hospice and explain some of the services provided under the hospice benefit. First, a definition from Hospice Foundation of America.

Hospice is a special concept of care designed to provide comfort and support to patients and their families when a life-limiting illness no longer responds to cure-oriented treatments.Most people are not aware that hospice care is a benefit of Medicare Part A. Some hospice workers refer to it as “Medicare’s best kept secret.” Please see my post entitled Medicare Made Simple for more information about Medicare. According to the Department of Health and Human Services here are some important facts about hospice care:

Hospice provides comfort and support services to people who are terminally ill. It helps them live out the time they have remaining to the fullest extent possible.

Hospice care is provided by a specially trained team that cares for the “whole person,” including his or her physical, emotional, social, and spiritual needs.

Hospice provides support to family members caring for a terminally ill person.

Hospice is generally given in the home.

Hospice services may include drugs, physical care, counseling, equipment, and supplies for the terminal and related condition(s).

Hospice isn’t only for people with cancer.

Hospice doesn’t shorten or prolong life.

Hospice focuses on comfort, not on curing an illness. Choosing to place your loved one in hospice care is a very personal and important decision. Although you can make the decision ahead of time, in order to receive official hospice care, a doctor will have to certify that the patient “probably” has six months or fewer to live. I personally know of people who were in hospice care for 18 months or longer. It’s not necessarily a case of, “there’s nothing else we can do.”

Rather, hospice IS the something else, the something more that can be done. It is also important to note that you can get OUT of hospice at any time if you are not happy with the service or if health improves.Yes, at its core, hospice is about the end. But its about facing the end of life surrounded with family and with honor and dignity.There are many myths and misconceptions about hospice that I’ll talk about in detail on tomorrow.

Call for Photos! We are looking for pics of caregivers and the people they care for. We’ll post one each week, so get your picture in soon!

               

Lessons Children and Teens Learn from Caregiving

 A quick search on your favorite search engine will certainly lead you to information and services for caregivers.  However, you will have to dig a little deeper to figure out how Alzheimer’s disease impacts teenagers and children who have parents, grandparents or other family members who are battling Alzheimer’s.

Children and teens tend to be resilient and creative.  Sometimes, they just need a little prompting and they can take over and figure things out.  One day, in frustration, I sat my mom and my son at the kitchen table, gave them both crayons and prayed for a moment of peace.  Well, it was one of the best days we’d had in a long time.  Mom really enjoyed coloring and my son thoroughly enjoyed helping her to select colors and decide what to draw.

Teenagers are interesting creatures.  Often, they are in their own world and seemingly oblivious to what is happening around them.  Yet, they desperately want to belong. They want to be part of something.  That’s why they often cling to their friends and their groups.  The interaction offers them a  sense of belonging.  When tough times come, they often withdraw because they are not sure what to do.  Just  a little prompting on your part can go a long way.

Children and teens can be helpful in the caregiving process.  It’s natural to want to shield them from what can be ugly  and painful at times.  However, sickness is a part of life.  You are teaching valuable life lessons by allowing them to be a part of the caregiving process.

My mom cared for several sick relatives in our home while I was growing up.  I don’t think she ever stopped to articulate these things as lessons, but here is what I learned:

• You only have one family.  Be kind to them and support them when they are down.
• Holding grudges is a waste of time.
• It is a blessing and an honor to care for a dying person.
• If you treat people well when they are alive, it makes the grief associated with losing them less complicated.
• Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity.
• Sick people are still people.
• Put other people first.
• Do the right thing.
• Encouraging children and teens to be part of the caregiving process helps them to become other-centered instead of self-centered.

The natural tendency is to protect and shield our children, yet, the lessons they learn from being appropriately exposed to hard times will teach lessons and values that will last literally a lifetime.  They may also transfer into your child’s attitude about caring for you when it is necessary.

Do you have children or teens? Are they actively involved in caregiving?  Share your experiences.

               

Caregiver’s Corner–Drink to Your Health

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, 70% of the 5.2 million Americans living with Alzheimer’s disease live at home where family and friends take care of them.  So, you are in good company, there are literally millions of caregivers across the United States of America taking care of loved ones in various stages of Alzheimer’s disease.

As you know, caring for a person with Alzheimer’s disease is demanding, both physically and emotionally.  I say it almost every Friday, you are no good to your loved one if you are sick, burned out and exhausted.  So do yourself and your loved one a favor- take care of YOU. 

Today, I’ll tell you about three categories of drinks that will nourish your body and your spirit.

Water-I know, its sounds kind of boring, but your body is 75% water.  All of your body’s systems need water in order to work properly.  There are many schools of thought regarding proper water intake, but I’ll go with the Institute of Medicine which says that men should drink about 13 glasses and women about 9 glasses each day.  I’ll list just a few reasons you should drink at least 8-9 glasses of water each day. 

• Water helps to regulate body temperature.
• Water moistens mouth, eye and nose tissue.
• Water lubricates joints.
• Water lessens the burden on kidneys and liver by flushing out impurities.
• Water carries nutrients and oxygen to cells.
• Water helps to prevent constipation.

Juice-I am talking about the real thing, not the ones laden with artificial sweeteners and colors. I mean, the kind you buy or preferably make fresh.  Yes, its a little time consuming, but YOU are worth it.  Check out the benefits of fresh juice.  Fresh juice is the liquid from a fruit or vegetable devoid of all of the fiber.  The liquid gets into your blood stream quickly, takes little energy for your body to digest and provides you with the benefits of the food you have juiced.  You’ll need a juicer to make your own and you can get an electric one for as little as $59 or as much as $400.  It just depends on how often you plan to use it, how easily you want to be able to clean it and how much you are willing to lose in waste.

Smoothies-My personal favorite, are excellent sources of whole food nutrition.  Just remember that the finished product is only as healthy as the individual ingredients you add to it.  So, if you add ice cream, butter finger pieces and sugar laden chocolate milk, it might be pleasing to your taste buds, but it won’t do much for your tummy (except to help it expand).

The advantage of healthy smoothies made with fruits and veggies over juice is that you get the fiber, which is important to colon health. 

Two of my favorite recipes:

Morning Glory Juice (I use a cheapie manual citrus juicer for this one)

1 large grapefruit

2-3 medium oranges OR 5-6 small tangerines

Manually juice the fruit, pour into glass, mix and try to drink slowly and ENJOY. (the drink slowly part never works for me)

NOTE:  If your fruit isn’t that sweet, add a bit of honey or agave nectar to sweeten to your liking. 

Almond Banana Smoothie (adapted from The Smoothies Bible by Pat Crocker)

Place all ingredients in blender and blend till smooth

1 Cup plain soy milk or almond milk (both can be purchased in the healthy section of your grocery store.)

¼ cup raw chopped almonds

2 ripe bananas peeled and cut into about 4-5 pieces each (you can peel, cut and freeze bananas for a thicker, frostier smoothie)

1 tsp vanilla or you can use vanilla flavored milk

Pinch of cinnamon or nutmeg to your taste (optional)

Your action assignment today is to increase your water intake and try either the fresh squeezed juice or a smoothie.

I can’t wait to hear how you feel.  I always feel more energized and less stressed when I get in my water and start my day with fresh juice or a smoothie.

So, drink your water, have some fresh juice or make a smoothie and drink to your health!

               

Caregiver’s Corner–Get HELP

While college students plan their parties and high school students consider their weekend options; while your coworkers give thought to what movie they’ll see this weekend and family members consider how they might celebrate Easter, your plans remain the same. 

Whether you have dinner with family, attend a religious service or plan to stay home, one thing is constant.  You are a caregiver.

And there is at least one characteristic that is common among almost all caregivers, we are stressed and we need HELP.  You will rarely find a caregiver who says, “I’m all set, I have all the help and support I need.  My family readily chips in and I get a break whenever I need it.”

So, let me give you some practical suggestions as to how to get some much needed help:

ASK–I know that your brother should know that you take care of mom all week and that you need a break on the weekends.  But he didn’t renew his subscription to “Mind Reader Today,” so his skills have gotten a bit rusty.  Besides, you make it look easy and you seem to have everything under control.  So let him know that you need some help. 

BE SPECIFIC–”I could use some help you know” is not a request.  It’s a statement yelled in anger, frustration or desperation.  Or, it’s  breathed under your breath, either way, it still does not express what you really need. Try these specific requests and see how they work out:

• John, would you sit with mother on Saturday morning from 9 to 1?
• Mary, would you please prepare lunch for mom on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
• Mike, would you be willing to give mom dinner on Tuesday evenings?
• Linda, I know your schedule is tight. We are all stretched.  If I give you advance notice, would you handle taking mom to the doctor (or wherever)?

GET MOM OUT OF THE HOUSE–This one depends on what stage of Alzheimer’s you are dealing with.  Senior centers and Adult Day Care programs are excellent options.  They provide:

Opportunities for your loved one to socialize

Skill appropriate activities

Opportunity to get exercise 

A much needed break for YOU. 

In addition, many provide transportation to and from the center as well.

YOU GET OUT OF THE HOUSE–Consider paid help.  I have only one older brother.  At the time I was caring for my mom, we did not live in the same state.  So, I was pretty much on my own 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  It was a formula for disaster and depression.  Eventually, I hired someone to come in and help out.  On occasion, my husband or a church member would hold the fort down while I took a quick breather.

It was during my caregiving days that I buried superwoman along with her big red “S,” blue spandex and red cape flying in the wind.  I suggest you have a ceremony right now, let the superman/woman thing go. It’s a great cartoon, but doesn’t work in real life.

If you want to serve your loved one well and for the long haul, learn to ask for help and take care of YOU. 

Assignment–Get some HELP!

               

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