A Previous Post.
I wrote that I am caregiver to my mother and my autistic daughter. My mother moved into my home in August of 2007, so she has been here for around 5 months. Yes, it has been hard, taking care of three children, my mother, working from home, and trying to keep my relationship from falling apart.
When I wrote about caregivers, I mentioned taking time to think about long term facilities. In our case, that has become a topic of conversation. My mother has complications from her diabetes which mean she needs more medication than insulin alone. She has problems walking and with arthritis, her hands are becoming less mobile than before.
I’m Not Super Woman.
While I admit to being slightly relieved that she will be choosing a place to live where she can receive around the clock care, I cannot help but feel like a failure. I stay home all day, so why can’t I do everything that needs to be done? It is a losing battle to fight with myself over this, because I know this is the right decision.
So, how can you fight those feelings of failure? With my case, it is the acceptance that I really am not Super Woman, no matter how much I try to be. It is impossible to take care of three children, work, keep a healthy marriage, and take care of someone who is progressively becoming more disabled. Impossible to do this forever and keep my sanity. Acceptance and forgiving myself for not being perfect.
Have That Discussion.
If you find yourself in this type of situation, step back and take a breath. Do not delay in speaking with the person you are caring for, because waiting will only make the conversation more difficult. For me, it was being injured and falling short on everything that started the conversation. Sadly, it had to be my mother to point out that I was taking on too much.
Don’t let yourself begin to fall apart at the seams or try to do too much and end up hurt yourself. Take the time to talk to your loved one and discuss options that may better suit your mutual needs. A long term or assisted living facility may just be the answer to your prayers. You both will not need to worry about medications, room for medical equipment, or constant care.