Christian Faith, Bipolar Disorder, and Schizophrenia; Part one



By Matthew Robert Payne

Growing up with Bible stories and the TV and movies, you come to know about maniac’s. As a teenager I knew that genius and insanity were very closely related. Little did I know I would one day become insane.

Insanity…being out of your mind…delusional….having visions of grandeur…deceived by evil spirits…possessed by demons…contacting the dead…trips to heaven and hell…seeing evil spirits…seeing angels…seeing Jesus…seeing people out of the Bible…all in Part One

writing five pages without editing except for a proofreader…writing a warning from God to a nation…being delivered from demons…having demons speak to you…having a demon pretend to be the Holy Spirit and tell you lies and direct you to do things that you assume are God telling you to do…staying up for three days and three nights without sleep… sleeping for two days straight…being so depressed you can’t even wash clothes, shower, shave or cook for yourself…all in Part two

These are all experiences I have had as a Christian with schizoaffective disorder. Which is Manic depressive (Bipolar disorder) and Schizophrenia bundled into one illness.

One thing I have found in the church is that FEW people understand mental illness. I also have never met a born again Christian in the mental health services I have been part of and so I am in limbo.

One time about five months ago when I was in hospital I prayed for a Schizophrenic patient to be able to hear from God, and asked her to repeat about four sentences that I would have God speak to her. The message was a message I wanted to hear from God but didn’t have the faith to ask Him myself as my own head was in a bad place with deceiving spirits going rampant. She was half way through the second sentence and tears were streaming down my face. God gave me a very comforting and reassuring message of hope in the midst of my crisis.

The patient who delivered the message was astounded that I was so affected and told me that she was so in love with the voice that had spoken the message to her. She said the voice was so soft and so full of love and so different to the voices that spoke to her. I told her that she could always ask God to speak to her and He would comfort her.

Everybody thinks Schizophrenic patients are possessed. Every one has half answers. Ask the same believers to cast the demons out of these patients and they are first to admit that they haven’t got the gift.

So how do I cope?

Man, I have to tell you this with all honesty.

I go to dark places and I cry. I cry a lot.

I pray.

I read my Bible.

And I chat to God.

Let me address each of the topics briefly that I mentioned above.

Insanity…being out of your mind.

Whenever you dream, daydreaming is being out of your mind. Where it crosses over to insanity is when you start to believe the reality is true. Many mentality ill people get help from inside their heads as an inner voice to think insane thoughts. I have in the past been quite convinced I was talking to Mary Magdalene in heaven. I used to speak to her for an hour each night. I was thrilled to be speaking to a person so close to Jesus. This is insanity.

Delusional…

Delusional as I understand the term is just like being out of your mind. In the year 2000 I began to speak to my ex wife in my mind. I was told by a spirit that was pretending to be Jesus that through my ex wife I was going to contact a whole lot of witches and convert them to Christianity and because they were gifted in the dark arts they were going to be very effective and powerful in the Christian world when they are operating out of love.

I asked who I thought was Jesus how to do it and he stepped me through it. Soon the whole 144,000 of the book of Revelation were converted and all were ex witches and I was the leader. I had a number of girls that I was speaking to in my mind and one was appointed as leader. Without much sleep I would preach to the 144,000 converts and teach them things and then I would ask them questions and we would do a count of the answers in percentage of which the lead girl would do a tally. Most of them were yes and no answers. When I started wanting to meet the Australian girls and the ones in my city and started to ask for phone numbers and email addresses I was told that it was a whole lot more convenient to speak like this.

If you have a Schizophrenic friend, ask them the answer they got from their voice they are speaking to when they asked for the phone number, mailing address, or email address.

The most common demonic response is that it’s cheaper and more convenient to do it through telepathy. I never pushed it further to the second and third level lies from demons.

Having visions of Grandeur…deceived by evil spirits.

I have thought I was one of the two witnesses of Revelation chapter 11. A human being who isn’t one of these two last days prophets who is convinced that they are, is most often mentally ill. When people said I wasn’t, this only made me more confident as I said, “No one believed in the prophets of the Bible, and so having no one believe me makes it more credible.” The only thing that brought my thinking back to reality was medication.

Many mentally ill people have low self esteem and so thinking they are a modern John the Baptist or Jesus or one of the two last day’s prophets makes them feel important. These delusions that the patient takes on makes them a person that is important and they will fight not to let go of this through of importance. All the way though my delusion I had a “Jesus” voice speaking to me that wasn’t Jesus. I never considered that Jesus would lie to me and so nothing my parents or friends said could be convincing to me.

God had grace on me though,as he allowed the Jesus voice on two occasions six years apart say something that turned out to be a lie. I never forgot the lies and could not reconcile I am the Way the Truth and the Life (John 14:6) of what Jesus said of Himself and the lies my Jesus had told me. I had simply forgiven Him and tried to forget it. Then two years ago anointed preacher from Malaysia told me my Mary Magdalene, the God the Father voice and the Jesus voice that were speaking to me were demons and that I was not to speak to them. I obeyed.

Possessed by demons.

On four occasions I have been delivered of demons. On only three of the occasions did I feel any better afterwards. As I have had an addiction to prostitutes I have always had a vessel full of all sorts of demons that have sex with me and fill me back up again. Touch wood by faith I have conquered that addiction so in months to come when I am delivered again they will stay out of me.

Much of the Christian community does not believe in demon possession. Fewer still believe that a born again Christian can be possessed. It’s as if demons disappeared 2000 years ago.

I have a number of demons still in me. I have to spend time on my faith, in the Word and in prayer and healing before I am ready for them to come out.

At present I know a man with a spirit of murder in him and he wants to kill me. Of late this has caused me some distress and put me into a depression. I have to avoid a whole block of my city for my life’s sake and this has upset me. Demons are real. Most times it’s a demon that is speaking to a Schizophrenic. But it’s not easy to turn that voice off even for a Christian with that illness.

Fear, lust and a spirit of Masons have been cast out of me. The Masonic spirit leaving made my whole head seem free. The spirit of fear had a big difference on my personality and is trying to re-exert itself through the man who wants to kill me. The Lord himself lifted the spirit of lust one day after I repented in tears and touch wood I have not been with a sex worker since.

Contacting the dead…trips to heaven and hell.

Often times when in conversation with a stranger the Holy Spirit will direct me to ask them if they have a question for Jesus. Sometimes the person will ask how a dead relative is. On many occasions Jesus will give me a message to share about their relative. On some occasions the relative has spoken. I know in the Law a medium is condemned yet each time it comes a surprise to me the question, and in almost every case the person’s eyes fill up with tears. I know this could be a familiar spirit but on most of the occasions I can describe the house the relative has in heaven and all the furniture and they are able to confess that features in the house I describe are exactly what they person would love but never had the money to own on earth or something like that. I see visions of the house and the people when this happens.

On many occasions I have been to heaven. I have been into a throne room at one time and seen a big ball of light like I think Isaiah saw. I explain that in more detail in my article Modern Prodigal Goes to Heaven. One time I saw a whole park full of children and Jesus told me it was all the children in heaven that had no parents. Most of them were abortions on earth. That was a memorable trip. One time in heaven Jesus put a big diamond the size of a soccer ball in my hand. Later on the Father said that diamond that I held would run the USA government for 200 years. He told me that was what he thought of money as the wall I took it out of was hundreds of feet high and miles long all of which were diamonds of that size. Bill Gates with all his wealth wouldn’t even be able to buy one of them, such is the verse Jesus said, “Beware of greediness, life does not consist of the abundance of one’s possessions.” And also when He said, “what does it profit a man if He gains the whole world and loses His own soul?” That wall of diamonds showed me the reality of those two verses.

Yeah I am no one great. But each time I have been to heaven it has been memorable for me. A month ago I took a guy to heaven in his mind in a vision where he met his wife that had died a year before. He saw her sitting with Jesus in a meadow full of yellow flowers and a waterfall in the distance. She smiled at him and spoke to him. I was pleased that he could tell me what she had said and done as I watched it happen and was able to confirm it.

I have been to a part of hell for two fifteen minute trips. It’s not a place you want to visit. If you are reading this and you are not a Christian, I invite you to email me and tell me so, I have a few passages in the Bible I want you to look up.

Seeing evil spirits…seeing angels…seeing Jesus…seeing people out of the Bible.

I have only once seen an evil spirit of lust on a girl. It did not look nice. The best I can say is it looked like one of those dragons, people like to collect in popular shops. It gave her an attraction to all the guys and she was very attractive also. One of the Christian men I was with pointed it out and when he did I saw it.

I once asked Jesus, “How come I see angels all the time and I don’t see demons?” He said, “Matthew if you saw the demons around you most of the time, you would not get any sleep.” I laughed, understood and never once complained since. Sometimes I have discernment of spirits and I can tell the name of a demon a person has inside of them, but I don’t see the demon.

However I have seen so many angels it would take a whole article to share all of them with you. Five times I have had the honour to see Michael the archangel. All but one time, He was in the company of Jesus. One time a few weeks before I went to hospital he was with me walking down the street. I saw two big guard dogs back off when I walked toward them as confirmation he was with me. The same day I had a six year old girl confirm that he was with me and when I told her Michael was a fighter, she started to have a play fight shadow boxing into the thin air as her mother wondered what had come over her daughter. With my two confirmations I felt convinced yes on that day I walked with Michael. I have felt a strong presence of God in a church and many times seen angels worshipping God in my church. On some special occasions to me I have seen women angels dancing.

Six years ago I was on a beach at 2am in the morning and Jesus had told me to move away from my family and go 400 miles and to Sydney where I had no friends and 800 miles from my son. On that night I asked Jesus where He was I was so caught up in my love for Him. He told me He was just beyond the breakers. I knew sharks like to cruise right behind the breakers for fish and night time was the wrong time to be swimming there, but I pushed the fear aside and went to swim out. As soon as I took a step toward the water the water receded 100 feet. I asked Jesus what was going on, and he said, “Not tonight, but you will meet me real soon.”

I said, “You said in the Book of Revelation that you are coming soon and that has been 200 years. How soon is soon?”

He said “very very soon Matthew.”

Three weeks later I met Jesus in Sydney in the flesh. He was dressed as a hungry, homeless man, dirty and forsaken by men. He did three things is my presence that were miracles to prove that He was who I thought He was. One of them was disappear into thin air.

I have seen Jesus in heaven, seen Him on many occasions in visions on earth and not less then ten times with one of my good friends. I once have been knighted by Jesus with a sword. I do not know what that means. When He spoke for ten minutes in the flesh on His ideas on the Gospels, the speech was so rich, so profound that I know it would take many years’ study to understand the depths of it.

In heaven I have met people out of the Bible. I have also met Daniel and the Apostle John on earth in visions on earth. I know I will have some role to play in these end times simply because both these men wrote visions of prophecy about these last days. Daniel came and comforted me in hospital.

Seeing evil spirits, seeing angels, seeing Jesus and dead people would have a sane person committed to a psychiatric ward of most hospitals, but to me these are regular experiences and you can’t have me put away because at present my mental health workers are very happy with my state of health. I am in a major depression and they can’t even tell.

As you can see I have not covered all of the topics. The rest: of them being:

writing five pages without editing except a proofreader…writing a warning from God to a nation…being delivered from demons…having demons speak to you…having a demon pretend to be the Holy Spirit and tell you lies and direct you to do things that you assume are God telling you to do…staying up for three days and three nights without sleep… sleeping for two days straight…being so depressed you can’t even wash clothes, shower, shave or cook for yourself…will be covered in part two.

Matthew shares his heart in these articles and can be found at www.online-prayer.net You can read more of his articles at his link below.

If you want a copy of his upcoming book of articles which will have the first sixty of the articles on this web-site called “The Musings of a Mad Prophet” please contact Matthew via email so he can contact you around February 2007 to tell you of the progress of the book.

Article Source: EzineArticles.com/?expert=Matthew_Robert_Payne

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Comments

  1. hi am sorry my coment may be short i did read some of your words
    i also have bipolar so keep the faith bro i could tell you storys
    but what is there to tell if you know the truth you dont have to change
    or try and bring people to the truth REMEMBR to be still in your self
    allways i should not be telling you this i am sorry.

    take kerr.

  2. hey man i am going through the EXACT same thing…yes i have schizophrenia, i have seen satan and have been to heaven/hell (mostly hell)…i keep going into a fantasy world where i was healed from the possession and made a movie about my life that woke 144 000 people of revelation who followed me and i lead them to jesus..for 3 years (2005, 06,07) i was speaking to an angel of light who was leading me the way to jesus but was really the devil in disguise…i also at times stay up for 2-3 days for no reason which allows me the see the devils even more because of lack of sleep.

  3. Dear Matthew

    Thank you for yourarticle. I am interested to know which parts of the Bible to read that you mentioned about hell. I have only just become a Christian; and also suffer with schizoaffective disorder.

    I have had very similar experiences to you, and would be interested to learn more.

    Thank you.

    Best wishes and regards

    Vicki Musgrave

  4. Hi .. you can contact the author by following the link to his website in the article.

    Also .. you should read the rest of the article 🙂 … and I suppose Part Two as well

  5. Oh My God... says:

    You need to e-mail me AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I am SHOCKED. STRUCKED. I, as well have schizoaffective disorder and I WENT THROUGH THE EXACT SAME THINGS YOU WENT THROUGH. I haven’t even read the whole thing, but EVERYTHING you said in the first few paragraphs left me with my JAW OPEN. Who are you?

    WOW! ” By Matthew Robert Payne

    Growing up with Bible stories and the TV and movies, you come to know about maniac’s. As a teenager I knew that genius and insanity were very closely related. Little did I know I would one day become insane.

    Insanity…being out of your mind…delusional….having visions of grandeur…deceived by evil spirits…possessed by demons…contacting the dead…trips to heaven and hell…seeing evil spirits…seeing angels…seeing Jesus…seeing people out of the Bible…all in Part One

    writing five pages without editing except for a proofreader…writing a warning from God to a nation…being delivered from demons…having demons speak to you…having a demon pretend to be the Holy Spirit and tell you lies and direct you to do things that you assume are God telling you to do…staying up for three days and three nights without sleep… sleeping for two days straight…being so depressed you can’t even wash clothes, shower, shave or cook for yourself…all in Part two

    These are all experiences I have had as a Christian with schizoaffective disorder. Which is Manic depressive (Bipolar disorder) and Schizophrenia bundled into one illness.

    One thing I have found in the church is that FEW people understand mental illness. I also have never met a born again Christian in the mental health services I have been part of and so I am in limbo.”

    PLEASE E-MAIL ME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. WE NEED TO TALK.

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